Thursday, December 07, 2006

HE's Identity Revealed!

An APB has been issued for outstanding warrants on HE. Since this most recent photo, taken in 1967, he is suspected of having gone through puberty, grown a beard, developed brown curly hair, and grown by approximately four feet. Some reports have him putting on as much as 200 lbs since this photo.

He is suspected of having several outstanding speeding tickets in Oregon from the early 1980s, poaching dungeness crab out of season, doing a massive TP job on Murray road in 1981, and he is also suspected of smuggling mind-altering substances inside stuffed kangaroos. He reportedly discourages searches of his stuffed kangaroo by chewing the ears and drooling on the pouch.

Upon attempting apprehension he will reportedly puff out his cheeks and hold his breath in a royal snit. He occasionally uses his enormous ears to elude would-be captors.

Do NOT, repeat, DO NOT try to apprehend. He is armed with Latin syntax and reportedly forces any who try to arrest him to sight read the proemium to Tacitus' Agricola.



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